The Dig: Come & Rest

Matthew 11:28-30 says, “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you shall find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

I can’t tell you how many times I have read this passage and even quoted it to others as a source of encouragement.  Several years ago, I felt God telling me to do an in-depth study of these verses but, for whatever reason, I put it off.  It’s no coincidence that this passage has presented itself to me in the most interesting ways…as if begging me to study it.  It’s always been a passage that I have gone to in times of loneliness and struggle but I don’t think I ever fully understood it.  So, after what seems “too long,” I decided it was high-time to plow into these verses.  Not surprisingly, I found some very interesting things that I’d love to share with you!

I’m going to break this down by key words for you so as to explain word meanings for the best definitions.  So, grab a pen and paper, buckle up and let’s dig in!

Let’s read verse 28 again: “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” 

In this verse, the word “who” means someone who “works to exhaustion.”  Right away, I was intrigued because I use the word “exhausted” to describe myself most of the time.  Between being sole income provider, house-cleaner and organizer, room decorator, chauffer, butt/snot-wiper, movie technician, chef, nutrition specialist, dietitian, doctor, boo-boo-kisser, disciplinarian, mind-reader, interpreter, bath-giver, alarm clock, play fellow, teacher, story-teller, laundry-mat, etc.  Most days I feel like a zombie Energizer bunny: physically going and going but with no amount of energy.  It can feel like a rut sometimes: I’m moving but going nowhere.  Anyone know what I’m talking about?

Sometimes that “work” is perfectly acceptable and actually godly work.  I can push through the pain and frustration but still consistently remain at my breaking point.  This is not what God has in mind for us.  The word “weary” in the same verse is a “continuous, repeated action.”  Like that rut we just mentioned and, boy, can that rut become really wearisome. 

If you’ve ever been a parent or seen a mother carry around all the gear required for caring for a baby, you know what the word “heavy-laden” means!  When my son was an infant, I referred to myself as the “mommy pack-mule.”  This word “heavy-laden” refers to being “overburdened with ceremony” or religion.  When our relationship with Jesus Christ becomes merely about the act of reading our Bible or praying or taking communion or going to Church, we open ourselves up to becoming “heavy-laden.”  These things become nothing but rituals or traditions that we act out with no purpose or meaning behind them.  It can take us down the dangerous road of legalism and complacency, pride and hypocrisy.  We may be doing all the right things but our relationship has become a rut and we’re burdened down with religious acts.

God does not want us to be weighed down and weary.  In fact, He wants to give us rest.  The word “rest” here means “refreshing,” which is similar to a leave of absence.  It suggests a temporary pause for the purpose of resting and recharging those Energizer batteries.  A spa day for the soul.  An “ahhhh” for the emotions and spirit.

When I went a little deeper into verse 28, I was led to several verses in the Old Testament, predominantly Psalms.  All of them stated the same thing: God desires to “satisfy” us with “good” things.  This word “satisfy” in the Greek means “to have in excess.”  God doesn’t just want to satisfy us or give us just enough to meet our needs; He wants to fill us until we’re overflowing.  He wants to give us that abundant life that John 10 talks about.  With what does God want to satisfy us?  These verses say “good” things and this word “good” talks about the experience of being “valued, loved and favored by someone.”  In this case, that “someone,” is God.  God wants to give us an “ahhhhh” kind of abundant life, filled with God’s favor and love.

One of the passages connected to Matthew 11:28 in this study is Psalm 145:18-19.  Follow me there, if you would.  Psalm 145:18 says, “The LORD is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth.”  I don’t know about you but I’ve had moments in my life when I didn’t feel that the Lord was anywhere nearby.  In fact, sometimes it seemed that God was nowhere in sight.  I remember one time when life was particularly difficult.  I’d come out of an abusive marriage and was struggling with anger, and even hatred, towards “a loving God” for allowing abuse to happen to so many people.  I just couldn’t understand how it could be in His plan for 1 in 4 women and 1 in 10 men to experience abuse or for 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys to be molested by the age of 18.  I went a long time without even wanting to try to talk to God about it.  I’d been a Christian most of my life and thought I had a pretty good grasp on this sort of thing until I was faced with faith-shattering tragedy.  One night, as I lay in my bed crying very bitter tears, I felt like my heart was going to burst.  I felt God saying to me, “Just talk to Me.”  After fighting it for a while, I finally began to scream out to God, expressing my lack of understanding, my anger, bitterness, fear, frustration and pain.  I even used strong words in my expression…it was the only way I knew to really tell Him how I felt.  After I had cried to Him and reached the end of my tears and voice, I felt a strong sense of peace.  His presence so completely surrounded me, as I had never experienced before.  God spoke to me clearly as if another person were talking to me.  He taught me, encouraged me and comforted me.

I learned through this experience that God wants us to call on Him, even if it means we approach Him with hostility and anger.  This word “call” in Psalm 145:18 is actually defined in the original Hebrew as “accosting, crying out, even in a hostile manner.”  Our Christian tradition has taught us that we must approach God in reverence and we should.  But we have taken the idea of “reverence” to an extreme meaning that resembles us having it all together before we come to Him; that we must “Thee” and “Thou” our way to the throne.  But what I (other biblical scholars and Christians) are finding is that our crying out to God doesn’t mean we don’t still approach Him with a level of respect.  Christian singer, Mandisa, perfectly describes in one of her songs, “It doesn’t mean we don’t trust Him.  It doesn’t mean we don’t believe.  It doesn’t mean we don’t know He’s redeeming everything.”  It simply means we recognize that we do not have the answers.

Look with me at verse 19: “He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He will also hear their cry and will save them.”  The word “hear” in this verse means to “be attentive, listen carefully and to understand.”  God is saying that He’s intently leaning in when we speak to Him.  He’s not casually in-one-ear-and-out-the-other hearing.  No, He’s in the moment with us.  Not only does God promise to really pay attention and hear those who call on Him, He promises to “save.”  This “save” isn’t just a rescue.  It’s an “avenging, defending, delivering, helping, preserving” kind of save.  It’s an action that’s on the offense.  It’s a save that pushes in and then through.  It doesn’t stop with the rescue.  It goes further to bringing victory to the one who is calling out to Him. 

What we’re seeing here is that God desires to give us relief from the weariness of life.  In addition, He promises His presence to the hurting, hostile person who will just call out to Him.  God isn’t going to strike us dead for talking to Him, even in our anger and hostility, because, if we are calling out to God, we are seeking Him.  Remember the first word of Matthew 11:28?  That’s right, “come.”  That cry is a coming.  That coming is a seeking.  That seeking is what God wants from us so that He can give us that abundant life, profound peace and His powerful presence.

We could read Matthew 11:28 like this: Come to Me, all who work to the point of exhaustion and who are continuously weary and who are overburdened with religion and I will give you a refreshing leave of absence.

Let’s turn back to Matthew 11 and look at the next verse - verse 29: “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls.”

Take My yoke upon you?  Let’s stop there.  Yoke?  Like an egg yolk?  I’m pretty sure I don’t want gooey orange egg parts all over me.  A yoke was a piece of farm equipment that was used to hook two animals (usually cows or oxen) together to pull a plow.  Sometimes the farmer would team a lesser experienced cow with a more experienced one so that the more experienced cow could teach the young’n the tricks of the trade. 

When Jesus says, “take My yoke upon you,” He wants us to team up with Him.  He wants to exemplify for us who we are supposed to be.  He wants us to learn from Him, to study and observe His ways, to experience Him on a consistent basis.  This is what the word “learn” means here.  One very important thing that I want to point out here is that the yoke is designed for two: me and Jesus.  Hear this: The yoke is not me and Jesus and my mentor or me and Jesus and my pastor or me and Jesus and my small group.  One thing that Beth Moore taught me in the “Breaking Free” study is this: If I desire the approval of a person over the approval of Jesus, then I yoke myself with that person and they become a god to me.  I can’t share Jesus’ yoke if I’m trying to squeeze someone else’s approval in where God’s approval should be.  Sharing a yoke with anyone but God will cause us to be “weary” and “heavy-laden.”  Only Christ’s yoke is one of ease and rest.  Only Jesus can be a perfect example to us.  He even helps us “take” up His yoke and “learn” from Him by saying that they are “simple commands,” as the grammar of these words describes.  All we have to do is be a willing student. 

 

Why should we want to learn from Jesus?  He tells us it’s because He is “gentle and humble in heart and we will find rest for our souls.”  What does this mean exactly?  In the original text, Jesus is saying that He is gentle and humble in heart with the heart being “the seat of the desires, feelings, affections, passions, impulses.”  In other words, Jesus’ humility in the deepest seat of who He is makes Him the only One who is qualified to be our example.  When He says that we will find rest for our souls, in the original text, He is saying that we will find rest in the seat of OUR desires, feelings, affections, passions and impulses; in that area that “gives man the ability to communicate with God.”  Wow! 

Matthew 11:29 could be read this way: It’s simple to put on My yoke so you can study and experience Me.  The quietness you desire for the very deepest part of yourself, you can find in Me because I am gentle and humble in that same area so you can see My example.  Team up with me and open wide your channel for God-communication.

Let’s look quickly at this last verse.  Verse 30 says, “For My yoke is easy, and My load is light.”

Jesus says that His yoke is easy.  “Easy” means “kindly, pleasant and gracious.”  His yoke is one that isn’t heavy or weighted down with unrealistic expectations.  Being teamed with Christ means sharing in His gentleness; His “soothing disposition” as this word is defined.  His load is light.  The “load” that Jesus refers to is translated with this thought: “Christ is the antithesis (or opposite) of the burdens of ceremonial observances rigorously exacted and increased by human traditions.”  In other words, that overburden of religion, the religious rut that we talked about a few moments ago - Jesus says that His load is the opposite of this! 

Matthew 11:30 could be read this way: My yoke is pleasant and perfect for what you need.  I am the opposite of your exhaustion, weariness and burdensome religion.

Jesus Christ ties these three verses together by saying that He is the answer to our weariness, our heavy burden, our overburden, our exhaustion with life and empty religion.  He is the source of peace, rest and loving relationship with God.  He is the source of all good and perfect things.  He is the source of abundant life.

All that we are told to do is come to Him, take on His yoke and learn from Him.  We don’t have to clean up in order to come to Him.  We don’t have to be perfect in order to approach Him.  Even if we can’t find it in ourselves to pray, we can still cry out to God and He has promised to be near to us.  Even if we don’t understand the big picture and we’ve reached the end of ourselves, we don’t have to keep running or hiding or fighting.  We just come to God and cry out.  And it is there that we find rest.

Come to Me, all who work to the point of exhaustion and who are continuously weary and who are overburdened with religion and I will give you a refreshing leave of absence.  It’s simple to put on My yoke so you can study and experience Me.  The quietness you desire for the very deepest part of yourself, you can find in Me because I am gentle and humble in that same area so you can see My example.  Team up with me and open wide your channel for God-communication.  My yoke is pleasant and perfect for what you need.  I am the opposite of your exhaustion, weariness and burdensome religion.  I can give you rest.

Characteristics of Batterers

In speaking with many survivors and doing research on domestic violence, I find something very interesting.  Abuse is so prevalent and yet so silent.  Abuse is so common and yet so complex.  Patterns of abuse are predictable and yet 1 in 4 women still experience it.  The key to ending domestic violence is wide-spread education, otherwise called prevention.  

Prevention does what it sounds like: puts knowledge and appropriate tools into the hands of young people so as to try to keep something from happening that shouldn't.  Prevention says, "here's what a relationship is supposed to look like," and, "here are some characteristics to be on the look-out for."  When it comes to the issue of abuse, knowledge really is power.    

As I said earlier, there are patterns of abuse that are across-the-board true, no matter the personality, background, culture, social status or religious affiliation of the abuser.  On the same token, there are characteristics of an abuser that are also present.  Below are some of the characteristics of batterers.  

I want to make this clear: Not all abusers have all of these characteristics and not all people who have one or two of these characteristics are abusers.  It's important to remember two things: 1) abuse is a pattern of controlling behavior and 2) abuse is on-purpose.  For instance: someone may have a low sense of self esteem but that does not automatically mean that they are an abuser.  But, if someone uses their low self esteem as a way to consistently control and manipulate others, they have taken on an abusive characteristic.

The purpose of sharing this information is to provide a level of prevention.  Feel free to pass this information on to others and help educate others on this issue.

Characteristics of Batterers:

Often have low self esteem

Even though a lot of batterers might appear to be 'tough," "strong," and "confident," more often than not they really suffer from low self-esteem. If they are emotionally "needy," and they have become dependent on their partner, the thought of losing that partner feels threatening and thus behaviors of controlling and jealousy follow. This holds true not only for heterosexual relationships, but in gay and lesbian relationships as well. For male abusers, they may feel that they fall short in the area of their own sex stereotype and so they overcompensate with hyper-masculinity.

Rush in to relationships

Many victims dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were engaged or living together. Abusers can come on like a whirl-wind claiming "love at first sight" and using flattery such as "you are the only person I could ever talk to" or "I have never felt loved like this by anyone." They may need someone desperately and will pressure the other partner to commit to a relationship before they are truely ready.

Are excessively jealous

Abusers often say that jealousy is a sign of love. Jealousy has nothing to do with love; it's a sign of possessiveness and lack of trust. In a healthy relationship, the partners trust each other unless one of them has legitimately done something to break that trust. Of course not every twinge of jealousy is a sign of doom to come, but when that jealousy becomes a negative aspect or a disruptive force in a relationship, red flags need to be going up.

Exhibit controlling behavior

Often at the beginning, a batterer will say that this behavior is because they are concerned for your safety, a need for you to use time well or to make good decisions. Abusers will be angry if you are "late" coming back from the store or an appointment; you might be questioned closely about where you went, who you talked to. As this behavior gets worse, the abuser may not let you make personal decisions about the house, your clothing, or going to church. They may keep all the money or may make you ask permission to leave the house. These types of behaviors mimic the parent/child relationship and thus by definition cannot be part of an equal and healthy relationship.

Have unrealistic expectations or demands

Abusive people often expect their partner to meet ALL of their needs: the perfect partner, lover, and friend. They say things like "if you love me, I'm all you need and you're all I need." They may expect you to take care of everything for them; emotionally, physically, and sometimes economically. However, this is not natural or healthy in a relationship. Instead, partners in healthy relationships encourage each other to pursue their dreams, to have friends and interests outside of the relationship and take pride in their partner in these things.

Use isolation to keep you centered on them

Frequently, an abusive person tries to cut the partner off from all resources. If you have friends, you are a "whore," a "slut," or "cheating." If you are close to family, you are "tied to the apron strings." Abusers will accuse people who are supportive of causing trouble and may restrict use of the phone. They can gradually isolate you from all of your friends. They may not let you use a car (or have one that is reliable), and may try to keep you from working or going to school. Some abusers will try to get you into legal trouble so that you are afraid to drive or go out. Sometimes this process can take years and then suddenly a victim looks up and realizes that they've been moved across the country, away from family, friends and a support system and without a job or resources of their own - making them completely isolated and totally dependent on the abuser.

Believe in male supremacy and the stereotyped masculine role in the family

Batterers are often obsessive about appearing to the "the man of the house" and they tend to hold very high and rigid rules about how they act because they are "the man" - often leading them to feel the need to dominate and control and to expect their word and their needs to be catered to at all times, including in the bedroom. These abusers see you as unintelligent, inferior, responsible for menial tasks, and less than whole without the relationship. They will often tell you that no one else would want you or that you are nothing without them. They will remind you of their "provider role" - everything they have done for you...thus using guilt and convoluted "logic" to pressure you to into servile behaviors.

Use of force during sex

Abusive partners may show little concern about whether you want to have sex and use sulking or anger to manipulate you into giving in to sex. They may start having sex with you while you are sleeping or demand sex even when you are ill or tired. This should send the message that the abuser is just in it for themselves and/or they are enjoying the power of coercing sex knowing that you are less than willing. They may want to "make up" by having sex after they have just been physically or verbally abusive to you. Sex under these conditions is just an extension of the power and control exerted by the prior abuse.

Have poor communication skills

Some people talk with their words, while others talk with their actions (fists). Batterers typically have trouble with discussing "feelings," especially very strong ones like anger or frustration. Some may feel that "having feelings" and talking out problems goes against the sterotyped role that they have bought into (see above). Without the skills or self-permission to express themselves in constructive ways (ways that feels uncomfortable or where they feel inadequate), they often lash out with violence.

Use negative behaviors (drugs, alcohol, battering) to cope with stress

Studies suggest that batterers, in general, have a higher incident of drug and alcohol abuse than non-batterers. This does NOT mean that drugs or alcohol CAUSE the abuse, rather it lowers inhibitions making an already frustrated and violence-prone person more likely to fall back on violence as a crutch, especially when confronted with their lack of communication skills and feelings of inadequacy.

Blame others for their actions

Commonly, batterers use the actions of others as excuses for their own behavior. They blame the person who made them angry, as if that person were pushing some magic button that released violent behavior. How often have victims heard, "why did you make me do that?" If your partner is chronically unemployed, someone is always doing them wrong or is out to get them. They may make mistakes and then blame you for upsetting them so that they can't concentrate on their work. They may tell you that YOU are at fault for almost anything that goes wrong. Abusive people will might say, "you made me mad" and "I can't help being angry." Although they actually make the decision about how they think or feel, they will use feelings to manipulate you. Abusers see themselves as the "victim" in the relationship, and do not take responsibility for their own feelings or behaviors.

Are prone to hypersensitivity

Abusers are easily insulted, and may take the slightest setback as a personal attack. They will rant and rave about the injustice of things that are really just a part of living, such as having to get up for work, getting a traffic ticket, or being asked to help with chores.

Present dual personalities

Often the most frustrating thing for the victim, many batterers are excellent actors. They may appear to function well at work, with friends and family, etc. Sometimes only the battered spouse is aware of the true "nature of the beast." This often makes it difficult for a victim to reach out for support from friends and family, because those persons may try to talk the victim out of thinking that their spouse is a batterer. Often friends and family of the victim will go on and on about "what a great partner you've got there" - because the batterer has successfully hidden their violence at home. It's even MORE frustrating for the victim when members of their support system try to turn the tables and say things like "well, just don't make him/her mad". They're putting the blame on the VICTIM and not on the offender where it belongs! When this happens, the violent partner gets backup from the very people the victim NEEDS for support and they too fall into the trap of myths about the nature and causes of relationship violence!

Exhibit cruelty to animals or children

This is a person who punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain. They may expect children to be capable of things beyond their ability. They may tease children until they cry. They may be very critical of other people's children, especially any children you bring in from a previous relationship. Your partner may threaten to prevent you from seeing children you have no biological rights to, or punish children to get even with you. About 60% of people who beat their partner also beat their children. Of course the OPPOSITE of this can be true also. Abused women often say that they stay "for the sake of the kids." Unfortunately, one parent abusing another is one of the greatest risk factors for child abuse as well as for children to sink into depression, anxiety disorders and other mental and physical illnesses. Abuse also models the role of violence to the children as THEY grow up and into relationships of their own. Dr. Phil McGraw hits the nail on the head with his oft repeated line: "Children would rather be FROM a broken home, than LIVING in one."

(http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/batterer.shtml) 

Home Pics, Health & Had-to-Share

Here are a few more updated pictures for you to see of our new home.

Designed these cubbies to support the end of a bar in the kitchen.  My dad did a great job bringing my design into a reality.

The tile on the bar will be continued from the counter top.

Bar tiled.

Bar/cubbies finished!

My son's room all painted. 

Stained-glass window film for my bedroom.  Can't describe how much I love this!

Etched-glass window film for the master bath.

Chandelier I found on Craigslist for the master bedroom

Chandelier painted and ready to be hung!

Projects are getting done...we're so close to move-in ready!  More pictures to come.

*****

Just an update on my health:  My chiropractor, as well as doctors, have told me they believed my body was storing the trauma from my abuse.  Out of control migraines, extreme muscle tension, fight or flight constantly, etc....my body was locking up and I didn't seem to have any control over it at all.

I went to a Mom's Night Out with a friend of mine and met a woman there who works with doTERRA essential oils.  I'd had contact with and used essential oils in the past but found out quickly that doTERRA's Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade essential oils contained no harmful chemicals (in comparison to other oils I'd used previously).  After talking to this woman about my health concerns, she recommended I see an Iridologist (someone who studies the patterns in the iris of your eye to determine your body's health and deficiencies) in the area.  I'd been to homeopathic doctors in the past with great success and knew that traditional medicine was just not working.  I was taking 4 Aleve and up-to 4 Tylenol per day for pain and was beginning to develop a resistance to them (i.e. they were not working).

A few days later and completely unrelated, my chiropractor recommended that I see the same Iridologist.  A sign?  (lol)  It took some doing but I was able to book an appointment with the Iridologist.  (Like myself, she is a domestic violence survivor and minister who has opened a dv shelter in her town.  I don't believe in coincidences!)  She was able to detail my health history with no medical background whatsoever!  I was convinced.

She prescribed certain doTERRA essential oils and I have been taking them now for the last couple of weeks.  I'm happy to report:

Before - 4 Aleve and up-to 4 Tylenol per day

Now - Maybe 2 Tylenol per day

Before - 1 pill per day for sinus problems

Now - None

Before - Muscle lock-down

Now - Muscles are loosening and able to stretch

Before - After being in daycare for any length of time, my son would quickly become sick and we'd be to the doctor within a couple weeks.

Now - He hasn't been sick at all.

 Needless to say, I'm convinced there's something to this when I see results for myself!  

(Find out more about doTERRA here.)

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I found these fun photographs recently and just had to share them with you.  They are from this site.

This one is my favorite!

What a darling concept and such a neat art form!  It makes me want one! :O)

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I'm doing a personal study of Matthew 11:28-30 and will be blogging my findings soon.